Learning to ask for help

There are many new skills we need to learn being parents. We learn how to bathe, feed and care for our child. One skill a lot of parents of Special Needs kids need to learn is asking for help. It's harder than you think. One of the things that often stops us is pride.

You don't want to look like a bad parent and you don't want to feel like a bad parent. Admitting you need help out aloud takes away a lot of pride and requires a lot of courage. Asking for help is basically admitting to whomever you are talking to that you are not coping with your currently available resources. But you know what? That's ok. It's ok that you're not perfect. Probability is you're doing a damned lot better than what you're giving yourself credit for anyway. Most people do have networks of friends, family etc. You often hear "if there's anything I can ever do...."

Sometimes it's hard not to feel hopeless. What could they possibly do? Babysitting may not be an option as your child may have a lot of anxieties when it comes to strange people. What if they had a meltdown while you were gone? Your friend or relative may not have the skills to handle a meltdown. There's also the fact that you are doing all these things anyway, so what does it matter if you do another. But we forget, eventually, the 'camels back' will break. You are only an effective parent if you are functioning enough to be one.

Even I shocked myself a few months ago when I found myself accidentally asking a friend for help. I knew I had a problem; a situation that was making my day less than ideal. I was coping with the situation, but there was definitely a much better solution than just sucking it up. I hadn't actually intended on asking for help, the conversation just worked out that way. Suddenly, a solution was found for my difficult every day routine.

If you are lucky enough to have a support network offering help, it's ok to ask for it. Even if you can't think of something the first day it's offered, if you find yourself thinking "you know what would make my day easier?' think about who could make it happen.