Grateful for the little things

I always found it odd reading books about going through the ASD diagnosis stage. There would always be a section about grief, where they warn you to prepare for the grief of losing all your original hopes and dreams for your child. It has been said in at least one book I've read that you go through all the same stages as if your child had died. Anger, bargaining etc. This really spins me on my head and makes me think "What the hell?"

I never went through any sort of grieving stage. I found out what the problem was, and I learned how I could best deal with and manage the disorder for the best possible outcome. But maybe I am a strange kind of alien mother who actually always accepted her son for who he is? I've only ever expected from him, the things he seems capable of. Of course, there's still plenty of time left in both our lives for me to be 'disappointed'; maybe he never will get married, but who's to say that has anything to do with the fact that he's Autistic anyway?

It's like finding out you're having a girl, deciding automatically they're going to be winning all sorts of pageants and then 'grieving' because you think your baby is ugly, or they have a birth mark. As parents I don't believe we get the right to automatically decide who they're going to be.

I think any parent who grieves for their perfectly healthy child's life is looking at the picture wrong. More than likely, with enough help and early intervention their child can achieve some truly brilliant things. Or even mediocre; what's the problem with mediocrity? I for one am stoked about the fact that my child is healthy and happy. Sure conversations are difficult due to his language delay and at times I do cry out of sheer frustration over how hard our daily life can be. There is plenty of 'why us?' and 'I wish I could know what it would be like to raise an NT child, I bet it would be easy'. But wishing will never change who our son is, and ultimately, I wouldn't change him for the world anyway.